What does it mean to become a woman of impact? In 2017, I applied for a kitchen position at Kingswood Camp for Boys for summertime employment. I figured working in a camp kitchen would be a fun change of pace from working in an elementary school. As much as I love working with kids, the break was much needed and a good way for me to reset for the upcoming school year.
When I arrived at Kingswood in June, I was incredibly nervous. At my heaviest weight, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I was worried about judgment from other people, mainly because I was constantly being critical and judgmental of myself. I wondered if I would be accepted as I was, or made fun of for how I looked. Would I be able to handle the pressure of working in a kitchen and cooking for a large volume of people? Would I be able to handle the heat of the summer while working in fast paced environment at my current weight?
There was lots of anxiety and regret around the state of who I was and the road I had led myself down. So many questions ran around in my mind leading up to my first day of work. No surprise to me now, I was greeted warmly by my co-workers and within minutes my restless mind was put at ease.
A tour around the kitchen space landed my eyes on Mount Moosilauke rising from the backdrop of Lake Tarleton….WOW! What a view I get to stare at all summer! The southern summit of Moosilauke is visible from the shorelines of camp and if you’re lucky enough to snag the window prep station you can stare at her majesty all shift long.
Throughout that first summer I made tons of new friends from all over the world, and made lasting memories with one of the best groups of people I’ve ever worked with. I learned a lot about cooking and began to trust in my skills. I gained an understanding of camp from the lingo to camp folklore, and discovered The Wheel and The Varsity Club.
Inside the Main Lodge are rough cut pieces of wood labeled Franconia, Piermont, and Presidential, each one representing the three levels of the Varsity Club. On these large pieces of wood are the names of those who have completed each section, burned into their grainy, rough cut surface. Across the room are endless wheels that list the 75 peaks and destinations that one works to complete throughout their time at Kingswood.
In awe of these accomplishments, I slumped inside my unhealthy self and dreamed about the day I would have my name burned upon those wood slabs. In the hikes prior to Mahoosuc Arm, I often thought about how this moment would feel. What it would be like to stand on that last summit knowing I had completed another goal?
In the middle of those hikes, when the ascents would get the best of me, my legs burning, heart pumping, I’d say to myself “this is what it feels like to become a woman of impact.” There is pain in that title. There is happiness, sadness, strength, and weakness attached to it. It’s falling down and standing up over and over and over again. It’s early morning wake up calls when you just want to sleep. It’s one choice at a time. One mountain at a time. One step at a time.
On June 3rd, 2023, I stepped foot on my last summit, Mahoosuc Arm, becoming the first person EVER to complete The Wheel (Erik of course was right behind me, but he knew how important this was to me and let me summit first- that’s a support system right there!). This means I have hiked and visited all 75 peaks and destinations that are required for The Varsity Club and completion of The Wheel. I did this all in 21-months!
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Days prior to completing The Wheel I was having an internal battle with myself and was feeling inadequate. The alarm went off at 3:00 AM that morning and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed. “This is what becoming a woman of impact means” I said to myself as I packed my hiking bag, walked down to the car and off to the trailhead.
There were many moments on this journey when the alarm would go off and it became a battle of will. How bad do I want this? If I gave in every time it got difficult, every time I wanted to sleep in, every time someone told me I couldn’t do it…I would still be dreaming. Being a woman at an all-boys camp holds a weight to it. It can be tricky at first to navigate a space with so much testosterone, but this arena is one I’m familiar with. As someone who grew up with a brother (Frank) who is 13 months older, I inadvertently became his younger brother. Wrestling and sports are a natural thing among us and I often credit my brother for my competitive nature. Not only did I have Frank showing me the ropes, I also played on an all-boys soccer team for a few years, and you’d often find me at recess playing football or racing the boys in 100-yard sprints. I was a tomboy through and through and nothing made me prouder than showing those boys that I belonged in this arena, too.
My goal at camp is not only to provide amazing, healthy food (I’m the vegan/vegetarian/dietary restrictions cook), I also I want to show people that we (women) belong in the arena. That we are capable, valuable, and knowledgeable about the outdoors. I want people to stop being limited by what their body looks like and began to understand how powerful it is. I want them know that there is so much more to who I am than the person who cooks their food every summer. I want others to be inspired that they too can accomplish their goals and dreams no matter what. Inside each one of us is the ability to go after the life we desire. Life is worth living fully. No more waiting for the right time, the right weight, the right person, the right conditions, the right mood. There is no right time, only NOW.
When I learned about The Varsity Club and The Wheel I had no intention of being the first person to finish it (honestly, I had figured someone long before me had accomplished that feat) at most it was a daydream to me. But, when we see things through, when we stop settling, when we go all in, we become amazed by what we can accomplish. You have to decide what you want in this life and then chase it fearlessly. I accomplished this goal by being no one else but myself. It has taken me years of self-work to understand who I am and love her. That is powerful. That is what makes me who I am… my ability to see a goal then relentlessly see it through to the end. So decide. Decide now. . . in this moment . . .who will you become? I am becoming a woman of impact. - Alanna Co-Creator @ A Talk in the Woods www.atalkinthewoods.com
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